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Post by Jeff on Apr 22, 2006 17:34:01 GMT -5
This is a very strange song. Don't really know where it came from. Let me know what you think. I don't know that I will put this one on the Rearview in the Rain CD or not. I wrote it for the CD, but it kinda got away from me. www.savefile.com/files/1191235 Also in the Yahoo briefcase Lyrics: Cope (What the Thunder Said) You put them on and walk around. Everything you love is buried underground. Frozen stones, your shadow home is waiting for you, But you could stop the waiting if you wanted to. If you could touch the things you crave All your ugliness would vanish in a wave. You’d be happy even for one day, but evening comes, And you can only face it when you’re drunk and numb. Da Datta A line in the sand Cope is the body In a foreign land Da Datta Sand at your feet Cope is the mind That’s made of meat Da Datta Sand taking shape Cope is the spirit On videotape Da Datta The past is dead Cope is the word That the thunder said Da Datta Sand in a broom Cope is the feeling Of an empty room Da Datta Sand burning hot Cope is willing What you are not Da Datta Sand in your hair Cope is loving When no one cares Da Datta The past is dead Cope is the word That the thunder said Da Datta Are you listening? Da Datta [Solo voice: Cope, Datta. Give us your mind. Give it up. Everybody. Everybody. Show your body. Give it up. Cope, Datta. Give us your life. Give it up. Everybody. Show your body. Give us your body.] |
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Post by jtmx1 on Apr 23, 2006 1:28:29 GMT -5
Umm, I gong this song right now. Oh well. Results vary with the 3 hour song plan. Don't feel you have to listen to this one. I'll leave it up just in case anyone is curious. But these ideas have already been abandoned. The song sucks. What the hell was I thinking, especially with that pornographic sounding rant? Jason wouldn't stop laughing at this if he ever heard it. Oh well, next time better.
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Post by jtmx1 on Apr 23, 2006 13:22:58 GMT -5
Umm, now I'm not so sure. The message of the song is really strong. The lyrics need to be reworked, perhaps, but the idea that the key to self-loathing is being more giving and less of a self-absorbed spirit is very strong, I think. I also like the connection to T.S. Eliot's Wasteland.
So, the main problems are
1. The rant at the end is stupid.
2. The chord progression, a simple 4 measure idea, is not strong enough to sustain the song from 1:16 to 2:16. There are several ways to deal with this. First I could break up the verses and put a short chorus between them. But I just HATE this model. It has been so overdone. I don't think there is much more to be done with ABAB. A solution to this would be to put the C section, which I have at the end in the middle of the song. But I don't like this either. Perhaps this would work: AABCD, the D would be the final section as it now appears. The C would be similar to B but part from it significantly enough for the ear to recognize it as something new.
3. The vocal needs to be recorded as a non-doubled solo voice.
4. The stereo experiment, again, did not work here. I made a separate mix for each ear, as you can perhaps tell. That needs to be abandoned. I still think it's a cool idea but I've tried it four times now, and I just can't get it to work right.
So I don't know. Should this song be abandoned? I am still inclining in that direction, but it sounds a little better to me today. I'd like to know how bad you guys think it is. Certainly, it isn't great as it stands, but it is only a 3 hour rough draft. Got an opinion? If so, please be scathing.
Jeff
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Post by Jeff on Apr 23, 2006 13:36:29 GMT -5
An image:  Salvador Dali - Remorse or Sphinx Embedded in the Sand, 1931 or two:  Sanchez Ramiro - What the Thunder Said |
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Post by Jeff on Apr 23, 2006 14:31:20 GMT -5
Da: Datta an explanation: www.swami-krishnananda.org/brdup/brhad_V-02.htmlExcerpt: "On one occasion the gods, the human beings and the demons, all observed self-restraint, Brahmacharya, Tapasya and austerity for the sake of gaining knowledge from the Creator. Having observed great austerity they went to Brahma, the Creator Himself and said, 'Give us instruction'. Who went? Three groups. One group of the celestials, the gods, denizens of Indra-loka, paradise, who enjoy all sorts of pleasures, second the men of this earth plane, and third the demons, extremely cruel in their nature. To the gods He said, 'I give you instruction. Listen! Da.' He said but one word 'Da'. 'Do you understand what I say?' 'Yes, we understand'. 'Very good! So, follow this instruction'. Then he looked to the human beings, 'Do you want instruction from me'? 'Yes'! 'Da', he said again. 'Do you follow what I say?' 'Yes, we understand'. 'Very good! Now go and follow this instruction'. Then the demons were called and He said, 'Da' to the demons also and the demons like the others said, 'Yes, we have understood what it is'. 'Go and follow this instruction'. To all the three He told the same thing, but the meaning was taken differently by the different groups. 'Da, Da, Da', He said. That is all He spoke. The celestials, the people in paradise, are supposed to be revelling in pleasures of sense. They are fond of enjoyment. There is no old age there. There is no sweating, no toiling, no hunger, no thirst, no drowsiness and nothing untoward as in this world. It is all pleasure and pleasure, honey flowing everywhere in paradise. They are addicted to too much enjoyment. So the instruction to those people was Da - 'Damyata'. In Sanskrit Damyata means, restrain yourself. Damyata comes from the word Dam, to restrain. Subdue your senses. Do not go too much in the direction of the enjoyment of the senses. That was Da to the celestials. Kama is to be controlled by self-restraint. Human beings are greedy. They want to grab everything. Hoarding is their basic nature 'I want a lot of money'; 'I have got a lot of land and property'; 'I want to keep it with myself'; 'I do not want to give anything to anybody'. This is how they think. So, to them 'Da' meant Datta - 'give in charity'. Do not keep with you more than what you need. Do not take what you have not given. Do not appropriate what does not belong to you. All these are implied in the statement - be charitable. Charitable not only in material giving but also in disposition, in feeling, in understanding and in feeling the feelings of others. So, to the human beings this was the instruction Datta - give because they are not prepared to give. They always want to keep. Greed is to be controlled by charity. And to the demons, who are very cruel, who always insult, injure and harm other people 'Da' meant 'Dayadhvam' - be merciful to others. The third 'Da' means Dayadhvam - be merciful. Do not be cruel and hard-hearted. Demons are hard-hearted people. They eat, swallow, destroy and demolish everything. Anger is to be controlled by mercy. So, these three letters Da, Da, Da instructed three types of individuals in three different ways. All instructions were conveyed by a single word only; a single letter, but the meaning was conveyed properly to the individual groups concerned. Wear the cap that fits - tebhyo haitad evaksaram uvaca; da iti, vyajnasista iti; vyajnasisma iti hocuh, damyata, iti na attheti, aum iti hovaca vyajnasisteti." |
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Post by Jeff on Apr 29, 2006 17:10:31 GMT -5
Okay, I totally realize that the rough draft of this song SUCKED ASS. But I didn't give up on it, and it has gotten a whole lot better. I have finished with the music, and I hope to record the vocal tonight. In the meantime here are the revises lyrics:
Datta
Fortune smiles on you
Beaming down in fascination
But when you walk the sand
You must raise a hand
Just to see
For the light
For the light
You’ve gotten used to
Following your darkest shadows
Those mirrors in the sand
Seem so alien
And they grow
In the light
In the light
Give Up:
There is a line in the sand.
Give Up:
‘Cause you’re stepping on holy ground.
Give Up:
The sand will take any shape.
Give Up:
Give your whole damn world away.
Give In:
Become the sun in the sky.
Give In:
You can become the starry night.
Give In:
The past is already dead.
Give In:
That’s what the thunder said.
One of these days
When we look back
We’ll remember
Not how hard it was
But how it rained for us.
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Post by Jeff on Apr 29, 2006 19:33:43 GMT -5
Damn It! The vocal screwed it up. I hate it when that happens. Now the whole thing sounds kinda dippy. I wish I could tell that before I started recording! I'll post it, anyway. The music is pretty cool, anyway.
Just a sec...
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Post by Jeff on Apr 29, 2006 19:50:49 GMT -5
www.savefile.com/files/6140083 Also in the Yahoo Briefcase Okay there it is. The vocal at the end doesn't quite work. And since I mixed everything on headphones I've noticed lots of problems when I playback through speakers. Still, I am glad I didn't give up on this song. I taught myself how to do lots of new things. PS I'd really appreciate any feedback you may have.
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Post by ryan on Apr 30, 2006 3:28:27 GMT -5
Very interesting song, Jeff. I didn't really give it an attentive listen because I'm in a hurry to shut this damn computer down and go to bed -- but I liked what I heard. I really liked the how the lyric "That's what the thunder said" caps-off the series of thoughts that precede it. It seemed to be a nice punctuation mark, and enhanced my curiosity about the meaning(s) of the words.
I haven't yet heard the rough-draft version. I'm commenting about the latest draft you posted.
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Post by jtmx1 on Apr 30, 2006 7:05:41 GMT -5
Don't bother with the old draft. It pretty much sucks. I am working on some fixes for the current draft, mainly toning down the ambient noise so that the music is more easily heard.
For everyone else, don't bother with either of these drafts just yet. A better mix is on the way.
Jeff
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Post by jtmx1 on Apr 30, 2006 10:38:27 GMT -5
Draft 3, cleaner mix. If you haven't listened to it yet, start here. No need to bother with the old mixes. www.savefile.com/files/7084105 And in the briefcase I also updated the April 2006 Project webpage with this draft of Datta: www.myspace.com/mcbridejeffrey I removed Decision to make room. It was the weakest of the five songs so far. |
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Post by jtmx1 on Apr 30, 2006 23:32:33 GMT -5
Draft 4, took out the stupid tabla bass and put in an unobtrusive saw wave. Also cleaned up the eq and some stereo effects. www.savefile.com/files/6829209 In Yahoo briefcase And www.myspace.com/mcbridejeffrey I am finished with this song for now. This one was about Jenn. The next one will be about Maddie. |
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Post by jtmx1 on May 2, 2006 1:47:43 GMT -5
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